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| The authentic FIFA World Cup Trophy will be in Uganda from 5th March - 6th March on the Coca Cola sponsored global tour as the world gears up for 2018 FIFA World Cup in Russia. |
On 5th March 2018, the world’s most coveted award - the FIFA World Cup trophy will land at Entebbe International airport in Uganda but a wicked fate awaits it.
I have a meticulous plan to cause the disappearance of the 18-carat gold trophy and demand a noble ransom payable in 90 minutes.
I have a meticulous plan to cause the disappearance of the 18-carat gold trophy and demand a noble ransom payable in 90 minutes.
Stealing this iconic trophy is no mean feat to achieve considering that FIFA, the organizers of the global tournament learnt lessons from the sad episode of the Jules Rimet Cup - the original prize to be awarded to the winners of the world cup.
In 1983, this trophy - which first disappeared while on display in London in 1966, and was later discovered by a dog just in time before the world cup kicked off that year - finally disappeared for good from the custody of Brazil who had won it for keeps after their third win.
FIFA therefore deploys a high level 24-hour security detail over the current FIFA World Cup trophy to the extent that even the men guarding it can’t touch the trophy except heads of states while its on tour, and the world cup winners.
However, this will not deter me from my mission and I know that everyone reading this is wondering my sanity to entertain such a silly thought. They will find It mind boggling that I can be so impudent to put the world on special alert by publishing my plan. Immediately the trophy lands at Entebbe International airport, the security detail will be on tenterhooks ready to strike at any suspicious activity.
But I am also well prepared. I have developed an application for android that causes temporary blindness from the flashlight of a panoramic selfie-shot if one is not wearing special protective eye glasses. I have tested the app on mice and it is exciting to see the frenzied pandemonium of blinded rats.
I have a plan for the prized trophy when I snatch it from the blinded trophy escorts and soccer fanatics around me at the Lugogo Cricket Oval where it will be on display, but should anything go wrong however, I will still love any consequences of my fate!
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| Jimmy Jump is floored at the 2010 World Cup final in SA |
I might receive a hard punch on the face like the one the infamous “Jimmy Jump” suffered when he attempted to snatch the trophy at the 2010 World Cup final in South Africa. This could be so heavy on my disturbed mind that I might live the rest of my life as a moribund vegetable. It is also very likely that I could be taken out of action by an overzealous sniper guarding the trophy. But that is not a bad thing either.
What is the purpose of my life after all? Nothing. I do not see the value of my life anymore. Why am I on this earth when I am not free to express my love for the people I love? If I can’t love, why am I living? Why do I live this miserable lie; pretending to my friends, my relatives and my workmates; to be what I am not. Death can be a worthwhile solution to my life.
But if I succeed to snatch away the trophy to my hideout, I will immediately send two separate tweets which I have already drafted; one to FIFA and the other to the Queen of England.
To FIFA, I will bring to their notice that I am holding the FIFA World Cup trophy for a ransom price demanded from the Queen of England and that I will melt the cup if she doesn’t adhere.
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| Queen Elizabeth II will have 90 minutes to pay the ransom price |
To Queen Elizabeth II, I will state my ransom price. I will demand that she tweets an apology for her country being responsible for the plight of LGBT people in the former British Colonies because of the criminalization of homosexuality by the British Laws that her country imposed on us. I will give her exactly 90 minutes to make the apology. I will even send her a Direct Message on Twitter of a draft template.
At the expiry of the given time, if this noble ransom price is not paid, I will dissolve the gold prize trophy in a mixture of nitric acid and hydrochloric acid. This will taunt the emotions of 3 billion soccer fanatics around the world who are gearing up for 2018 FIFA World Cup set to kick off this June in Russia.
I don’t care anymore about any sensibilities because I have waited all my life to hear an apology from the Queen who is now of advanced age and I have run out of patience. If you feel me, share this but still even if you don’t, share it if you want to save the FIFA World Cup trophy!
I am off to meet my appointment with my Doctor! As for Abuja Nigeria, don’t bother waiting for the trophy on 7th March.
